"We are all of us living in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde
"Adventure is worthwhile in itself." ~Amelia Earhart

January 6, 2008


In my last post, I pointed people who were looking for other personal experiences to schizophrenia.com. Personally, I don't visit the site that much. Years ago, I would occasionally lurk on the forums but eventually stopped. Honestly, it gets to be a little depressing. The moderators seem a little heavy-handed and there's a few posters there who seem to think they have all the answers. The funny thing is most of those posters seem to just be parroting what their doctors told them. Never mind that, a week before, they wrote a post about the 'fires of Heaven consuming Oh, Canada' or some such nonsense. And it really annoys me when it's done in the "delusions, hallucinations, beliefs" section. It's in that section, kids. I think they know they're delusional. (Of course, I'll make an exception when the post was moved to that section from another.)

Plus, my attitude about the whole schizophrenia thing isn't one of utter despair. It's just something that happens, like diabetes or cancer. Might be a little embarrassing when I return to sanity but I just brush it off and move on. Granted, I'm one of the milder cases. After the first break, I stopped suffering from paranoia. And it only seems to happen once every two or three years. If I had voices and hallucinations constantly telling me that I was evil or to jump off a bridge, I might despair as badly as some of the posters on that forum.


alyceclover said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. I was just getting ready to post about my day. I was talking out loud as I walked to the library. I was told "everybody does that". But I noticed everybody around me was not doing it.

I am like you in that I would rather not dwell on the those might happens. I used to be a bit more positive. Living on a triple fault line there is always a danger of a major earthquake. I do get affected by people's dire warnings.

I might have enjoyed my first cross country drive a bit more if I had not let other's dire warnings that a lone female would get raped, murdered or mugged and I should not do it make me so afraid to socialize with strangers I met enroute.

Berryvox said...

Heh, yeah, I doubt the average person speaks out loud to themselves. I wonder if it's because of socialization or just natural though. When I was a very young child, I would speak very quietly to myself but stopped after my parents told me to stop.

I'm probably too extreme about not listening to people's warnings. I'll walk through high-crime areas late at night without a thought. Then again, maybe it's my lack of fear that cancels me out as being a 'good target'.

alyceclover said...

People who are targeted are usually those who appear fearful or like they do not belong in an area. That does not guarantee safety in a high crime area. In CA there is always danger from a stray bullet due to gang violence even in long crime areas.

There was a saying "people who talk to themselves have money in the bank" so those times we catch ourselves mumbling out loud, the retort is "yeah I have a lot of money in the bank".

Long Beach has a lot of people with mental problems. A year ago I felt I was ready to slip off the tight rope and you would see me walking 'round the town having arguments with invisible people.

That was why I was a bit worried that I was so casually speaking out loud. I did not post about it. Forget where my mind took me on that post.

When I read about schizophrenia, the symptoms I truly think I have that and definitely not bipolar. But both have similar symptoms to PTSD.

Berryvox said...

Yeah, so many of the various mental disorders have symptoms that overlap. At 18 years old, I came across a definition of schizoid personality disorder in a school textbook and recognized it as describing me almost perfectly. They can't really give me that diagnosis now though because it's viewed by the psychs as some of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder.