"We are all of us living in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde
"Adventure is worthwhile in itself." ~Amelia Earhart

May 6, 2008

And People Wonder Why I Keep to Myself

Just now, I was pedaling along one of my typical routes thinking, 'Gee, I wish I had something interesting to post. Little too gloomy and rainy for photo-taking.' And, then, a post found me...

A cyclist was stopped in the middle of the trail with his rear light blinking. That was a little unusual so I thought maybe he had a flat or another mechanical problem. I slowed down to see if I could help. He didn't have a flat. He didn't have a mechanical problem. Dude was masturbating. He fumbled out an excuse about going to the bathroom. Lies. He was at full mast.

I probably should have called the police but I was so shocked that I saw what I saw, got wide-eyed, and sped back up again. Not long enough to get a good description. 60-something white male describes 20% of the city's residents.

I'm a prude. I don't want posts to find me anymore, kthxbai.

18 comments:

CarmenSinCity said...

Oh gross!!!!!! Guys are so weird.

Andrew said...

OMG!!!! Put that thing back in your pants dude! I would have then took off peddling. He was old enough to know better!

Jillian said...

LOL. OK, that was funny. I guess when the "need" is strong, one must deal with it then and there.

Awesome. (the story, NIT the guy masturbating... although that does take BALLS!)

Jillian said...

NOT* I hate typos and I hate my keyboard.

franscud said...

I guess he really enjoys biking. Maybe they need to post a no-masturbating sign on the path.

CelloBella said...

Ewwww. Nasty.

Berryvox said...

Carmen - Gross is right!

Andrew - Exactly what I did!

Jillian - Heh, had to read it twice but I figured it out.

Francis - lol I got mental imagery of what that sign would look like.

FerdC ~ The Best Parts said...

man at full mast
got outa there fast
just lookin for a post
didn't plan to get grossed
now that it found me, i won't forget it,
careful what i wish for, i just might get it

anabellster said...

My goodness. Sorry you had to witness that!

Wicked H said...

Lions and maturbating cyclists and bears, oh my!!!!

Roxiticus Desperate Housewives said...

Laughed so hard I think I voted for you thrice (if only BlogExplosion would let me).

What happened to that guy with the signs? I haven't seen the signs on Battle of the Blogs lately. My guess is that before the night is through, someone will have crafted a "no masturbating" sign for you to post 1) on your blog, for all of us to enjoy and 2) next time you bike that trail.

Hope next time a "full mast" post finds you, he's more your type and that you've extended the invitation first....

Roxy

Jose said...

Are you sure it wasn't George Michael? lol I think it's cool to get horny but it's not cool to be an exivitionist.

Berryvox said...

Ferd - That poem rocks.

annabellster - Me too!

Roxiticus - lol I try to keep this blog under PG-13. I don't think I want those visuals.

Jose - Yeah, at least hide in the bushes or something. :/

Margaret said...

EWWWW! Right in front of God and everybody, huh?

Some people have nerve or zero inhibitions.

You be careful as the next time, he might decide it's more fun if there are two involved.

ICK

ê¿ê

Titania Starlight said...

Oh what a creep!!! I had that happen to me once at my job. I was pulling into the employee parking lot and at the side of the store next to the parking lot was a construction guy leaning against the wall getting it on. He saw me and smiled. I hurried into my workplace and told my boss. Of course he had "finshed" and left the scene of the crime. Filthy swine.

I hope no more posts like this find you either. Holy crap!

Jason said...

I was considering taking up your BotB challenge, but how could I win against a post about a masturbator? It reminds me of one of my all time favorite Saturday Night Live sketches... Night of the Masturbating Zombies. "Oh no, he's a zombie. And he's masturbating! Eeeewwwww!"

Berryvox said...

Margaret - Gah, don't even want to think about that.

Titania - Eww, sorry you had to see that. I've heard other people's stories about flashers all the time but this was the first (and, hopefully, only) time I've come across it.

Jason - Don't worry. I'll come up with a new post soon. :D

Roxiticus Desperate Housewives said...

Hope you're still kickin' bouteaux and takin' names with your "masturbating post" in Battle of the Blogs...just voted for you against the vibrating cows...

Roxy